11.30/98

"You have no call to be snippy with me, I'm just trying to do my job."
--Marge Gunderson in Fargo

I've recently taken to answering the telephone "Heaven, this is God." It throws people off for a few seconds, but keeps people thinking. After all, I am the lord of all realms real and temporal, right? I got people who want to grow up and be like me, which is a daunting thought to say the least, so why shouldn't I want to "spread the aloha" a bit thicker?

God knows, I can spread it pretty thick..... That's not what I wanted to talk about, though.

At one point in your life, you have encountered a service employee. That's the person who helps you accomplish something. They provide something called service, and for this you should be eternally grateful. I say this, because I am, shrouded in medical mystery, a service employee. As such, I assist my donors with their paperwork, take their vital signs, and provide them with a hopefully painless procedure. If they do not tolerate the thing well, I smile and graciously accept their vomit, and nurse them back to health. It's an easy thing. How?

I smile. The person sitting in front of me is the most thrilling, titillating person in the world, regardless of how bad their breath is; no matter how inconsiderate they might be. Alternatively, that is also the hard part. Therefore, I embark on a great and grand public education project...the care and feeding of service employees.

First, make eye contact. This tells the guy helping you that you acknowledge his presence. That's 90% of the frustration that I encounter. People assume that because I am dishing out a litanous barrage of questions, I might as well be a tape recorder. Sorry.

Second, Regardless of how many times you've heard it before, just sit there and listen to it again and shut up. There's a reason they remind you of how to get out of an airplane. Feature this, you are sitting in a really heavy chunk of metal, hurling through the air at 200+ miles per hour being held up by an artificially created vacuum. Something goes wrong, u die. Simple no? Remember where the nearest emergency exit is? remember how to start the oxygen generator? You should have put down the paper while the sky slut was telling you how. (Sorry, that wasn't nice...shoulda said air mattress)

Third, service employees must always strive to give the best head they can. Yup, that's what I said. That guy standing across the counter asking me to take his money isn't an imposition, he's paying the rent, sugar. Suck him off...make him happy, happy, happy!

That's my tirade. I, for one, am sick of being treated like a footman (I'm not...I'm a highly trained professional) and I am also tired of civil servants who are neither civil or service oriented.

It all comes down to this. We need to be more polite, civil, and respectful of the needs of others. It's not hard to do. Do unto others, blah, blah, blah.

With that said, I'll move on to my honey, RR (tomorrow, or sometime soon) and give you a feeling that your job really isn't all that bad. I must brace myself, for soon (SOB) I shall be spending more time away from home than in it. Get your fix of me now, cuz there's gonna be a hiatus soon.