4.27.99

Think of me.
You know that I'd be with you if I could.
I'd come around to see you once in a while,
Or if I ever need a reason to smile.
-And spend the night if you think I should.
--Todd Rundgren

I have been playing a lot of Todd recently. He takes me back to a "simpler time" that we all want to relive from time to time. His purple album, "Something/ Anything?" from which the above lyric comes, was worn down to a little vinyl platter by a big chunk of furniture that we called a "Hi-Fi" in the early 70's.

*gasp* it was 1972. Damn, I'm old. It hit #5 on the Billboard top 100 in 1973. Thank god for liner notes. If it weren't for notes, I would not remember anything.

That was a subtle segue to the next idea. A week ago, a couple of guys decided that they'd had enuf and walked into their alma mater, Columbine High School and proceeded to blast the thing into non-existence. All too easily, I remember the High School experience, and how it formed me into the adult that I later became.

I can't say it was particularly pleasant, being in high school. In fact, I didn't like it at all. I was a scrawny kid with glasses, who was just a tad too studious. In the popularity contest, I was a dead last.

The difference was that I really didn't care. I can even say that now without guilt and with fully intact hindsight.

The fact that Kevin Perry would whack me around because I was smart and he was dumber than dirt didn't bother me. I used to hang with a guy who had polio as a kid and was forced to wear braces. His role in my life was to reinforce the fact that I was really above all of the ignorance that abounded. I can never forget Bradley for that. I wish I knew where he was today…I'd call him up and say thanks.

Mike re-entered my life for my High School years (he has bounced in and out from time to time), and allowed me to escape to the thriving metropolis of Filer for "something totally different." In retrospect, it was kind of weird, Mike and my relationship. I was just starting to feel the blossoming of my homosexuality, and he and I used to double date with these two really cuute girls, who went to Filer HS, and thus had no knowledge of what a super-geek I was in school. They loved me for what I was, rather than public perception.

On the other end of Highway 93, in Twin Falls, things were totally insulated, and that's what bothers me so about the events in Colorado. That's because I've been there, and did that. No shit. I know a lot of people have stated that fact…most recently, Robb in his journal entry dated yesterday, discusses the angst that he had in his experience growing up.

It's kind of odd, but from the looks of it, our experiences were not too far off in the similarity scale, but with one very important difference. I really didn't care in that way that I was supposed to care. That, and I knew how to blow things up. Remember, dear ones, in the garage, I had a fully equipped chemistry lab, the brains, and an open charge account with a supply house. Had it become too great of a concern, I could quite easily see leveling Twin Falls High School and its student body.

Fortunately, whatever it was that drove these youngmen to do what they did failed to pique my interest.

Instead, I cried, and cried, and cried. In fact, thinking about it makes me feel depressed and very old. I look and say, "What has happened to the youth of today?" It is something that I'm sure my mother has said more than one time behind my back, and also something that I am sure that the current generation will be uttering in a short 20 years.

In fact, they might be saying it now….

On another subject (me!) My new page, which I have entitled "Page Nouveau", is moving forward slowly. That is one of the reasons that you have not seen my here as much as before. You will be pleased that it is actually looking good, and that I am actually pleased with the way that it is tuning out. A bit more time, please….