6.18.99

Something epic for you:

Out of the mists of time,
Out of the ooze and slime
Out of the dreadful morning,
Out of the speechless dawning
Of the earth, I came.
And I will not go back.
The earth was void
And without form.
Darkness was upon
The face of the earth
THEN
Something happened….
The sea that thundered
On the azoic shore
Sheltered a living jelly.
Something lived at last
In the ancient ocean
Squirmed in the tidal pools,
Lived, grew, multiplied, evolved…
Lived.
Then after the unthinkable
Deliberation of the ages,
It crept out of the sea.
The moons came endlessly,
And endlessly passed the moons
And now giants walked the
Waking world….
Monsters! War in the rank swamp world.
Cheek by jowl,
Fang against living armor.
Then, back, back to the ooze
Descended the dinosaurs.
The monsters went back,
I will not go back.
Aeons came, and aeons went…
And I?
I was a bent and hairy thing
Savage and witless.
Fleeing through jungle trees
Living my lightless life,
Fighting my mindless strife
Mating and dying,
Dancing in jungle glades
With my brute brethren.
Howling at the moon
Ape that I was….
Then, I stood,
Rocked on my knuckles,
Thrust upon the earth,
And I stood.
The earth rocked to my roar.
My former comrades yellowed
Their fangs at me
And muttered their dim hate
For they knew that I was
Neither kin or comrade to them
Now, or evermore.
I hid in the hostile earth,
Fighting and fleeing
More hunted than hunting;
Sulking the sabre-toothed tiger
So that I could glean
For my belly what was left of the kill.
Now the flash of my bronze
Was in the wilderness.
The chink of my iron
And the thrum of my bowstring.
THEN…
Out of the cave I came,
Casting arrows before me
Over the earth I moved,
Wielding my fire
Brandishing my spear,
The shepherd's crook,
Crouching over skulls
Where I pounded my grain.
I put a shell on water,
Caught the wind in sails…
I sailed!
I hewed the mountains,
Put stone on stone…
I built!
Awed, I lifted my face to the stars,
And realized a mystery.
I fell on my knees and prayed
For in my brain there now
Kindled the awful knowledge of
The Plan,
And of the one who planned.
"And it came to pass, that when they were in the fields, Cain rose up against Abel and slew him.
"The lord said 'What hast thou done? The blood of thy brother cries unto me from the earth!'"
Thou shalt not kill.
Thou shalt not steal.
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
Thou shalt not have other gods before me.
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
And more….
And more….
And the word came down,
And the laws were ten.
These was the truth
For the race of men.
And Moses came down from the mountain,
So it was…
So it is written.
And still one came
From the ready jungle,
And spoke for the worth
And the immortality of men.
The pilot of the Galilean lake.
They called him "The Nazerean,"
They said…
But why?
Why does the blood cataract to the ocean?
And why is the sky red with the rage of nations?
Why the hatred and the hunger?
The wasting of the children?
The many scorning the few?
The scourging of the different?
Why the frailty that makes fear.
And the fear that makes arrogance?
Why all that suffocates the light
Within us that is the answer
To the plight of the patient grave worm.
And yet….
I AM NOT IN VAIN.
Out of the wilderness I came,
Beast into man
I've survived every holocaust
And ruin
And every terror of creation.
My flint and bronze
Lie scattered to the poles.
From the speechless caverns
To the kimmerage clays
I've dared and the
Wreckage of my daring
Is not all dust and folly.
I am man.
I am Plato and Socrates,
Michaelangelo, Galileo,
Beethoven, Curie, Dante,
Newton, Einstein, Shakespeare, Lincoln,
A man named King.
I reckon,
I rhyme and reason.
I fly, I sing
I have sent my caravels to the moon
And will yet send my frigates
To the stars.
I seek,
I fail,
And I will seek again.
I am no shuddering ape-thing now
I will not crouch upon the earth,
On my haunches in some
Atom-ordained cave,
Mumbling carrion bones.
I will not be jackal to the tiger again
I have outlived the cavern
And the claw.
I am a thing of order
And I know a different law
And another law
And a better prophesy for my kind
Than darkness and oblivion--
And I know the simple fault
That is yet within
I will antidote with
My reason
With my mercy
And with my love,
Until the physician
That I must be to me
Has healed himself.
For if I fail…
IF I FAIL….
My neck will bend again
To darkness,
And the glimmer
That I call my soul
And I and all my
Fearful wonders shall
Perish into the silence.
And my spirit walk ashamed
Among the ghosts of the dinosaurs.
A craven, failed and forgotten
Moment in the Plan.
BUT
I have traveled this far.
I have set my instruments on a promise.
Out of the mists of time,
Out of the ooze and slime
Out of the dreadful morning,
Out of the speechless dawning of the earth,
I came.
And I will not go back.

Who wrote it? I don’t recall. If anyone does know please let me know so that I might give him proper credit for his work.

I insert these words here to tell you that I am tired. I'm going to have a bit of a break to recharge and reassess the reasons for doing this.

For those who do not write a journal such as this, you do not understand, nor can you appreciate the great psychological energy that is required to produce these thoughts. Others might argue, but it is more than hit counts, and more than any commerciality that the Internet might place on it. It's my fucking life, sugar coated for your consumption. Don't loose sight of that.

Am I down? No, not really. In fact things in my life are going pretty well right now, which is quite a change compared to recent events. The need, whatever it was, to produce a page of thoughts per day, has waned.

So, to my friends, those who think they are friends, I bid you a fond au revoir.

One fond embrace, until we meet again….

Aloha oe.