10.3.99
Damn, I'm so NOT tired! I mean I'm supposed to be, but instead of fatigue, I feel energized as all hell. Go figure. I worked hard today, got a little sun-sick, and certainly did sweat more than my share, but I'm not the least bit tired. Hmm.
What's new here? Not much, I'm afraid. A friend passed news that a common acquaintance of ours had been the victim of a hate crime, which was disturbing to say the least. I just don't understand why people can't just let their fellow humans go through life without having to yell "Wake up faggot!" in the wee small hours of the morning. There's no calling for it, and I just don't get it. Then again, there are a lot of things that populate people's minds that I can't fathom, so I maybe ought to just stop trying.
Right now, I'm downloading dirty movies. What fun! What can I say…it passes the time.
Another thing that passes the time is talking on the phone, and that's what I did today. For FREAKING hours to the Hilo-boi, Derrick. Well, I never did convey the happenings of that last trip to Hilo, did I? Such a failure I've become recently…. Anyhoo, I did make a triumphant return to Hilo a week ago, after all the shit involved with the great Labour Day orgy (which I refer to as THE party,) It was a little odd, I have to admit, and D. did also. We both had a bit of trepidation about meeting, and there were all kinds of "so…are we going to do the nasty or what?" thoughts that were flying through the air. It was so bad at one point, that it even doused my appetite, and even nauseated me a bit. That's odd for me at this point in my life, for I thought that I had moved past the "This guy makes me feel all fluttery inside" stage in life. In retrospect, it was more "I wonder if we're gonna fuck?"
We didn't! Woo hoo!!!
In fact, we came together again, and shot the shit for several hours the next night, with no lusty thoughts at all. It's really cool, I think, and a new experience for me. After all, I've not gone from sex partner to friend with someone. Usually, it goes the other way…I'm a friend, and then we go and screw, and thus endeth the friendship. It's funny how people can be either friends or lovers, isn't it? I certainly can't vouch for the lives of others, but it seems as though that's how it works for mine. Of course, that makes straight friends all the more precious, because the spectre of even the most remote thought of sex is removed. (yeah, Mike, I'm talking about you!)
Well, tonight, I felt a need to make AT&T a little richer, so I called Derrick, and shot the shit with him for a couple of hours. I really like that guy, even if he worries about himself a bit much at times. He's concerned that he's going to wind up all lonely and old with no one to love him. I told him that it was balderdash. I threw my "don't sweat the big stuff, leave it up to the cosmos" theory at him. Whether it works for him is a point yet to be seen. I really think that everyone is thrown into my life (at least) for some reason. That's why Derrick is still there, not in the "lover" mode that he used to occupy, but now in the "friend" mode that he employs so well.
Meanwhile, on the CD:
I love that song, on so many different levels. I have moments in my life when I feel unpretty, as we all do at one time or another. We wonder what it is that is wrong with us, when in fact there is nothing wrong with MYSELF, I just feel unlovely because "they" say I'm supposed to be that way. I've got one well-chosen phrase that was translated into French so it would sound more elegant:
FUCK LE MONDE
What's new here? Not much, I'm afraid. A friend passed news that a common acquaintance of ours had been the victim of a hate crime, which was disturbing to say the least. I just don't understand why people can't just let their fellow humans go through life without having to yell "Wake up faggot!" in the wee small hours of the morning. There's no calling for it, and I just don't get it. Then again, there are a lot of things that populate people's minds that I can't fathom, so I maybe ought to just stop trying.
Right now, I'm downloading dirty movies. What fun! What can I say…it passes the time.
Another thing that passes the time is talking on the phone, and that's what I did today. For FREAKING hours to the Hilo-boi, Derrick. Well, I never did convey the happenings of that last trip to Hilo, did I? Such a failure I've become recently…. Anyhoo, I did make a triumphant return to Hilo a week ago, after all the shit involved with the great Labour Day orgy (which I refer to as THE party,) It was a little odd, I have to admit, and D. did also. We both had a bit of trepidation about meeting, and there were all kinds of "so…are we going to do the nasty or what?" thoughts that were flying through the air. It was so bad at one point, that it even doused my appetite, and even nauseated me a bit. That's odd for me at this point in my life, for I thought that I had moved past the "This guy makes me feel all fluttery inside" stage in life. In retrospect, it was more "I wonder if we're gonna fuck?"
We didn't! Woo hoo!!!
In fact, we came together again, and shot the shit for several hours the next night, with no lusty thoughts at all. It's really cool, I think, and a new experience for me. After all, I've not gone from sex partner to friend with someone. Usually, it goes the other way…I'm a friend, and then we go and screw, and thus endeth the friendship. It's funny how people can be either friends or lovers, isn't it? I certainly can't vouch for the lives of others, but it seems as though that's how it works for mine. Of course, that makes straight friends all the more precious, because the spectre of even the most remote thought of sex is removed. (yeah, Mike, I'm talking about you!)
Well, tonight, I felt a need to make AT&T a little richer, so I called Derrick, and shot the shit with him for a couple of hours. I really like that guy, even if he worries about himself a bit much at times. He's concerned that he's going to wind up all lonely and old with no one to love him. I told him that it was balderdash. I threw my "don't sweat the big stuff, leave it up to the cosmos" theory at him. Whether it works for him is a point yet to be seen. I really think that everyone is thrown into my life (at least) for some reason. That's why Derrick is still there, not in the "lover" mode that he used to occupy, but now in the "friend" mode that he employs so well.
Meanwhile, on the CD:
At the end of the day,
I have myself to blame…
I'm just trippin….
You can buy your hair
If it won't grow.
You can pierce your nose
If he says so
You can buy all the make-up
That MAC can make.
But if you can't look inside you
And find out who am I to
Be in a position to make me
Feel so damn unpretty.
I love that song, on so many different levels. I have moments in my life when I feel unpretty, as we all do at one time or another. We wonder what it is that is wrong with us, when in fact there is nothing wrong with MYSELF, I just feel unlovely because "they" say I'm supposed to be that way. I've got one well-chosen phrase that was translated into French so it would sound more elegant:
FUCK LE MONDE
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